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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Stay Awake With Me's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, October 20th, 2011
8:51 pm
Site looks dead
Funny. Guess this is now a perfect place to post. I'm still alive... OMG, I got a job caring for my x-wifes youngest son. State pays $12 an hour. But I'm losing my mind

Current Mood: aggravated
Tuesday, January 4th, 2011
10:03 pm
well, whats up?
Tuesday, May 11th, 2010
11:11 am
Here it comes again.
Can't sleep. Won't be able to get a decent night's sleep for days. Insomnia brought out by a brain that won't shut up over things I can't control but still continue to depress me.

Just ranting because I don't know what else to do at hour 30 of consiousness. Maybe I'll stop back around hour 40 or so and let you all know how I am doing.

Current Mood: depressed
Tuesday, March 30th, 2010
7:42 am
Сайт с бесплатными битами
Народ цените мой сайт с бесплатными Рэп Битами http://freebeats.ru/


На сайте есть как Микстейп биты Так и Нужные всем Авторские. . . Все абсолютно бесплатно. . . + Ко всему все желающие могут размещать на сайте свои биты. . . Хочу сделать нечто типо банка битов. . .=)
Monday, March 29th, 2010
1:31 am
Got to give something.
My intentions are laid bare.

I met a beautiful girl, who just happened to be sweet as hell.

But she doesn't want to see me because I referred to Ant as my boyfriend. Even after I got him to speak to her, she still felt totally uncomortable.

How do you make someone see a relationship that isn't a typical relationship? Is it really that hard to convey to someone nowadays that people can actually love each other for THEM as human beings? Why does it always have to be so fucked up with titles like boyfriend girlfriend, husband wife.

I have this man in my life who is the most amazing man I've ever met and he is my best friend. We sleep in the same bed, we play video games together, we make fun of each other, we fight, we share, he wants to provide for me.

Is this a boyfriend, or a partner? I mean partner as in the ACTUAL meaning for partner. Partner in crime, ally... That kind of thing. Ungh I don't know. When I tried to explain it to her she just didn't get it. It's a shame. I really liked her. 

Either way. Tonight I dyed my hair blue, from purple. I've had purple for like 5 months now. It was getting a bit tired, even though everyone is always like OMG I WANT YOUR HAIR.

Due to lack of...well any income.. perhaps I should sell my scalp on ebay? 

"He ate my heart, That boy is a monster"
Has anyone here got a webcomic or started one up and .. didn't do anything with it? I want to some pointers. Anything. I'd like to start one up, feels like a good outlet. 


Thursday, January 7th, 2010
12:00 am
Sometimes I'll just start daydreaming about being with a woman, not in a sexual way exactly. I think about being in a relationship. Telling weird jokes to make her laugh. Comforting each other when the world gets to be too much. Yelling with tears in our eyes when we fight. Laying next to each other and wanting time to slow down or stop while I touch her side and feel her arms around me. The taste, the touch, the sound, the smell, are all I have because I can never keep a clear image of her in my mind.

Then I snap out of it and realize that those were several minutes that I'll never have back.

and it's worth it.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Friday, September 4th, 2009
1:19 am
I suck
The worst thing about insomnia is that no one seems to want to talk to you when your 'crazy'. Am I really that fucking unbearable? I can't seem to find a decent interesting soul that can deal with my boundless energy. Well whatever.

Then again, is it normal to be so fucking energetic and crazy? I can't sleep and I end up calling people on the phone and bothering them.

Everyone else seems to be able to sleep.

Current Mood: bouncy
Monday, August 31st, 2009
5:39 am
I am going to lose my mind
Wednesday, August 26th, 2009
11:38 pm
Can't sleep.
Well, I'm surrounded by family who are pretty much all talking, but still. *loves her family* Don't get me wrong...XD

...That and I'm hungry.

Post a vid that you have spazzed about recently in the comments. (Positive or negative reaction) Will give you something to do, at least. This trailer made me spaz in a good way. Lol.
Sunday, August 23rd, 2009
4:34 am
Crap ass
I havent been able to sleep for weeks

thank god its the weekend

Thursday, August 6th, 2009
12:54 am
Summer. From my mouth to your "sun-drenched world".
Mystery and consent in this perfect heat
The juice of bright green lime popsicles on my bare thighs
Drying sticky and sweet on exposed skin

It is summer
And nothing can take away the perfect ache that this brings
Mosquito bites and chlorine-tangled hair
Flowers of a million colors tucked behind ears
Fuchsia and auroral-blazing yellow,
A deep purple of royalty and riches,
Unfathomable ocean blue and wet velvet
Even bee-covered dandelions and morning glory
Weeds with the faces of flowers

Ant-bitten tree bark and wet grass and ocean sand
Salt-stinging and grainy against my stomach
Sticking to the back of my flannel lumberjack-red plaid dress
An attempt at a tree covered green and tent and campfire
kind of holiness
From lying beneath this large expanse of starlit sky
Sharing it's secrets with those who will lay in the cradle of it's arms
Long enough to listen

A sky alight with bright, full moon and the promise of
Rain-bursting heavy clouds and thunderstorms
The possibility of white blazing lightening striking down to this earth
Full of either God’s wrath or God’s glory
I still do not know which
But entirely perfect
Either way
Skin pink and peeling and freckles announcing their presence
From all of this daylight

I eat a sun-warmed mango in a cold shower
Trying to break it all
The heat and the fear and the need
Allow the hiss of sprinklers and naked feet and flesh
And smeared mascara
From hours and hours of rain smelling, sweet smelling, heaven smelling,
Warm stone and heather smelling
To fill my lungs and amygdala and thalamus
With memory and emotion, the way these parts of your brain are helpless to avoid

I open the windows and feel the perfect and cloying summer air
With the scent of lavender and honeysuckle
Bright orange and burnt flowers I cannot find the name of
That will stay through the fall
The last reminder of summer,
Once the cornfields and pumpkins show their muted and nostalgic fall faces
Full of a different and unique kind of promise
Comprised of warm fisherman sweaters and thermoses
Cowboy boots that fit summer better in MY mind,
But that become too warm this time of year to be capable of constant movement
The way we need
But fit autumn perfectly
An autumn full of hot apple cider and whiskey to warm the belly
Crimson leaves and dancing in air that fills you
With both warm and hauntingly cool Something at the same instant
But enough about fall
It is not here just yet...

The way summer guides you to
The need for movement that only happens this time of year
Even the irritating flies buzzing their short existence ‘round my wine-drunk sleepy head
Are welcome here
Because the trickle of salt and sweat and humid, human condensation
Down my swimming-taut back
And the blazing fire of a solstice morning sun
Loose limbs and dirt encrusted on your body
The way of crumbling monuments and the exploration of trails and earth-smelling evergreen and
Sagebrush mountaintops meant for lifting hands
To the consequential heaven
Wild blue and the haze of smog over cities
Spent on drink and Hollywood rejoicing in it’s profanity
And sacredness
Is enough
For now it is enough
This heat
This mystery
This consent
Is enough
For now

Current Mood: alive with all of this
Saturday, August 1st, 2009
4:59 am
he is your world, your rock, your earth and sky and every other cliche thing you could ever think to give name to the vast expanse of your need for him
he is cumulus, sediment, crystalline
brine and loam and open graves
the scent of crumbling scrolls and dusk and kentucky blue grass
damp earth and salt-stinging water of ocean tides
he is the sound of gunshots and the taste of gunpowder
of the broken skin of your lips
blood and bruise
and every scar on your body tells some kind of story of him
4:57 am
you forget yourself again and start to see how it would be to wake up in the cradle of mornings arms, all blue light and wonder that you are here and you are with Him. waking in the night to shift closer together in the warmth your two bodies create beneath the cheap, stained hotel room blankets.  to slip your hand into his, trace the shape of his crooked, perfect mouth, the angry red scar across his belly, the curve of his ribs. trace the lean, yielding muscles of his arms and chest, trace the shape of his heart through his pale bare chest, rising and falling in perfect rhythm to your own. 
whispering, almost inaudibly, your fears to one another.

realizing that i am not as brave or as strong as i thought,
the honesty of death, irony.
airplanes, walking near heavy traffic, disappointing our father.
crows, clowns, 
never finding this thing that killed her.
forgetting how to breathe. 

losing this moment. losing you.  again. 
losing you again.

and you are sure this love will span lifetimes and entire histories, ancient and primordial, as sure as the pull of gravity or the shift in seasons.  your childrens children will tell tales of this love.  it will be inscribed in the walls of caves and pages of books.  because this perfect, beautiful ache in you for him is too big to ever leave this earth, even after you do.  it will be passed down from yours to every other generation, a story as timeless as creation.  a story that was and IS creation. 

as real as "on the first day he created heaven and earth.  And the earth had no form. It was empty, covered with darkness and water. Then the Spirit of God hovered over the water, and God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light  and he saw that it was good".  and <HIM>, he spoke a new and unexpected kind of light into You, once shapeless and void you were transformed.  and he saw that it was good.  and this was enough.  no need for any more days of creating or any more creations. 

he is the god of your existence, of his and yours alone, and you need nothing else.  he is your two spirits made trinity by all the worlds that have been formed through the hope of the movement of mouth against mouth.  you want to touch him, trace constellations over every vertebrae, create universes with the movement of your tongue in the hollow between collarbones, grind out entire galaxies with the friction of hipbone to hipbone.  seek absolution in the lips parted to you, redemption in the heaven or perfect hell you imagine between his legs. 

Current Mood: beauifu. enough...
Friday, June 19th, 2009
2:41 am
My body is exausted.
My eyes wont shut.

Theres an annoying static noise coming from somewhere.
Sunday, May 3rd, 2009
12:27 am
Not going to sleep well tonight, my own vanity is driving me insane. Bad haircut, I am now wearing a woman mullet rather than the emo/scene hair I wanted. I'm not sure if I'll sleep until it's fixed to be honest. But mostly, this is my usual night of insomnia, I'm  just boreder. bleh. How are you all tonight? ~_~
Sunday, April 26th, 2009
8:04 pm
i'm not sure if its possible to break up with someone you wern't really with?

oh well, its hard, because i miss him a lot. and really, i shouldn't.

damn. its 8:04 and i've been up since seven yesterday morning.
Saturday, April 18th, 2009
9:45 pm
The one night I don't have insomnia I get to stay up till midnight to wake someone up.
I have to wake up at like four.
I might as well just stay up all night. I have caffiene pills at least...-_- And a 3 hour car drive. It's nice to be the passenger sometimes...

Current Mood: tired
Saturday, April 4th, 2009
5:05 pm
fuck my life. fuck it with a dagger.
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009
11:41 pm
Bleeh. You'd think, that when you're tired, you'd be able to go to bed, but no. This is going to give me hell in the morning...e_e 2 papers due next monday and I can't even touch them I'm so braindead. I need a vacation. Just, a vacation. Not a spring break acquired from my grandmother having a fit, not a week of illness, just, a vacation. Though, who doesn't? Really.
-blows nose- I'll just do them on the weekend. It's only ten pages of bullshitting about vampires and eating disorders. Blaghblaghblagh.

So, how are you all tonight?

Current Mood: Yawn.
Sunday, March 29th, 2009
1:10 pm
Deceived again....
Deceived by a boy who claims to be a man.... He used and played me, as if i was nothing i caught him in his lies!!! Never again will i be fooled never again by you or anybody else who tries too..... Yea i sound Emo i know... But im just mad because  i saw this coming and didnt stop it so i guess its me to blame.... (sigh) speak to me people im new to this expressing ur feelings on LJ thing....
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